I'm Not Always Right: Battling "Shoulds" and Injury as a Runner

Soothe my ego and tell me what I want to hear

Last weekend, I ran my first race since the marathon. To say I ran is an overstatement, though, because I just walked — albeit quickly — due to a back injury I’ve been recovering from. The race, Peyton’s Wild & Wacky Ultra, is unique in that it’s an ultramarathon that can be run solo or as a relay. Each 5K starts on the hour. I was on a five-person team, so we each ran two 5ks. One of the things I love about this event is the sense of community. It seems like every runner in Charleston sets up with friends for the day. A friend described it as tailgating, but for runners.

The weather at this particular race is always a toss-up. Some years, it’s cold and rainy. Last year, rain poured down. Kimberly was the first person from our team to race, so she kicked us off.. I intended to come a couple hours later since my legs weren’t until late morning. But, it was raining so hard that she and many other runners stood in shin-deep water. The race was called off.

Thanks to the race for these awesome photos!

This year, though, spring greeted us early and while the morning was cool, temperatures rose throughout the day and the sun came out from behind the clouds. Because this event is usually an all-day affair and we’ve had a busy couple of months — and I am still recovering from whatever I did to my back — I wasn’t really looking forward to it. I didn’t want to hurt and I didn’t want to sit outside all day in a camp chair if I did hurt and I was tired and, and, and… The list goes on. Suffice to say I was being a little grumpy about it, especially because I knew I couldn’t actually run the race.

I’m trying to get over my own pride a little bit in 2025 and part of that is realizing that sometimes you just have to soak in the experience. The day before the race, I struggled with not wanting to do the race because I wouldn’t be able to run. It sounds dumb in hindsight because, really, who cares, but I think after running the marathon I thought I’d be some super runner and I’ve basically been sidelined since November.

Right when I was allowed to start running again, I got a horrible sinus infection that I dealt with for several weeks, and then it was really cold, and then I got sick again, and then I hurt my back, which has been a month of battling pain and being frustrated by having to rest because I should just be able to do the things I want to do.

When I’m at therapy, anytime I say “I should,” my therapist reminds me that “shoulds” get us in trouble, leading us to believe expectations of ourselves that just might not be reasonable.

And when I told Kimberly, “This is just so dumb, because I should just be able to run,” she replied saying, “Well you can run but then you’ll probably hurt more and have to spend more time recovering” and, honestly, I was so annoyed she was right.

What I want in these situations is for someone to say, “yeah! You should be able to! And also you are magically going to feel better right… now!” but that isn’t how things work. I have a hard time coming to terms with that, and I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with that my entire life.

For a long time, I always thought I should be able to do things and then would get mad when I couldn’t or I wasn’t prepared. I remember in my first semester of college, I called my mom crying because I failed my first set of exams. I had never failed a test in my life prior to that. On the phone, I was so adamant I did study and put in the work and whatever else and also these are freshman classes and I’m smart and I should be able pass my classes and, God, that was a wakeup call.

The nice thing about walking during a race is that this is the best race photo that’s ever been taken of me.

My mom told me I needed to sort things out and study because I couldn’t fail out of college and I got off the phone so mad, because she was right and really, in that moment, I wanted her to soothe my ego and tell me everything was fine and that I’m doing everything right and, actually, it sounds like things are rigged against me. Or something like that.

That mindset, though, doesn’t allow me to work through new experiences and challenges. I often tell people now that all the things I’ve accomplished are because I’ve just tried and worked hard to make it happen. I don’t give up and I don’t let people tell me “no.” And yet, I still fall into this trap.

But nothing is easy.

And now I know that if I want to run without getting persistent back strains that I probably should do some strength training instead of just running a few miles without stopping and hoping for the best.